“I know NOTHING about life”

by Mr Anonymous

Many times, I have asked and been asked: ‘What is life really about?’

‘Is the joy, the tears, struggles, the pain — everything — really worth it?’

I don’t know.

Yes, that’s my answer.

I really don’t know.

I’m just a university student, barely learning about life. I have little to no assets; I still live with my parents; I make inappropriate jokes with my friends then laugh like fools.

But am I happy?

Yes.

Do I myself think that life is worth living?

Yes.

But…

I know someone who had graduated from a prominent university in Tokyo and got a job as a lecturer with a very lucrative salary.

I know someone who has an extremely attractive face, one that would make all women (and often, men too) do a double take, if not triple.

I know someone who has an amazing singing voice, even been the lead singer in his very own band, popular enough to be touring all round Europe.

I know someone who can be whatever else he wants to be, go wherever else he wants to go, have whatever else he wants to have.

Yes!

And this ‘someone’ I just described is the same person.

Someone I would give anything I could to even have 1% of what he has.

Someone who has everything that I don’t.

He even has the brightest and kindest personality imaginable. He lights up a room just by being in it.

Yet, here’s the bitter truth.

He wants to commit suicide.

That’s right. He wants to die. Actually has tried taking his life a couple of times but failed.

And the saddest part: There’s utterly nothing I can do about it.

While I’m here, having nothing really worth being boastful of, but yet being happy and never thinking of ending my life, I can’t stop having sleepless nights and thinking of this very question — Why is life the way it is?

And all the time with the fantasized image of my friend holding a cup of poison to himself burning into my mind.

So, the answer?

I don’t know.

God, I know NOTHING about life.

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The writer of this piece specifically asked to remain anonymous.