Building queer futures through story, culture, and community.
A sanctuary for your mind. Honest conversations about trauma, self-esteem, building emotional resilience and psychological flexibility for Black gay men and the global queer community.
‘Hood’ Stereotype in Black Gay Culture While other definitions exist, in queer discourse and LGBTQ+ digital spaces, the term “hood” often takes on a specific, troubling meaning. “Hood” in gay …
How ‘Hood’ and ‘DL’ Performance Harms Black Gay Men Read More
The Rise of Online Homophobia in West Africa A queer Nigerian man in London posts a Pride video of himself and his new partner on Instagram. He’s shirtless, smiling, singing …
Gay Migration: How Diaspora Visibility Can Endanger Locals Read More
Marriage is built on assumptions of honesty and shared reality. When a woman discovers that key truths were withheld, it can shatter that reality and cause lasting harm. Wives are …
Gay Men Marrying Women: The Risks of Not Telling Her Read More
Introduction—Rethinking the Western Closet Paradigm Western culture often portrays “coming out of the closet” as a transformative experience for gay men—a narrative promoted by the media, popular culture, and mainstream …
Why Black Gay Men Don’t Have to ‘Come Out’ Like Other Races Read More
As Black gay men, we navigate a world layered with intersecting oppressions—racism from broader society and homophobia within our own racial communities. Knowing this, one would think that any gathering …
How Black Gay Men Promote Stigma That Comes Back To Hurt Us Read More
The familiar holiday image of matching pyjamas, big family dinners, and joyful gatherings can be comforting, but it doesn’t reflect everyone’s reality. Many people navigate complicated family dynamics, long distances, …
For Gay Men Spending The Holidays Away From Biological Family Read More
Medical Disclaimer: This guide provides general harm‑reduction information, not medical advice. For personalised care—particularly if you have an ongoing health condition—please consult a clinician experienced in LGBTQ+ health. Quick Answer: …
Best Foods for Recovery After Chemsex — A Gay Man’s Guide Read More
If you scroll through Instagram, TikTok, X, or open Grindr or Jack’d, you could be forgiven for thinking gay culture has become one endless loop of perfect bodies, thirst traps, …
Why It Looks Like Being Gay Is All About Sex Right Now Read More
Sex is supposed to be a moment of connection—where you are fully in your body, fully feeling rather than thinking. But sometimes, especially under pressure, your mind flips into “observer …
Why Many Black Gay Men Struggle With Spectatoring During Sex Read More
⚠️ Content Note: This article addresses erectile dysfunction, stigma, and mental health in gay men. Sensitive themes are discussed—please proceed with care. Erectile dysfunction (ED)—difficulty getting or keeping an erection …
How Internalised Stigma Fuels Erectile Issues in Black Gay Men Read More
On dating apps, at parties, and inside queer community spaces, Black gay men frequently encounter racialised fetishisation—the experience of being approached through stereotypes rather than being met as a full …
Want to Date Black Gay Men Without Fetishising Them? Here’s How Read More
In gay culture, “top,” “bottom,” and “vers” were never meant to be social identities or personality types. They were supposed to be simple communication tools — a quick way to …
The Power of Screaming ‘I’m a Power Bottom Lesbian’ as a Black Gay Man Read More
By Daniel Nkado. On apps like Grindr, Scruff, or Jack’d, many Black gay and bisexual men notice a distinct pattern: their inboxes fill up faster than those of their peers, …
The ‘BBC’ Fetish and Black Gay Men: How Desire Can Dehumanise Read More
By Daniel Nkado for dnbstories.com. Trigger note: This article discusses sexual rejection and stigma. If any section feels distressing, consider pausing and reaching out to a trusted person or professional …
How to Handle Sexual Rejection as a Gay Man: A Practical Framework Read More
By Daniel Nkado. In queer dating and relationships, labels like top and bottom help people communicate what they enjoy. But when these terms solidify into permanent identities—dictating what someone “should” …
Top vs. Bottom: 8 Ways Rigid Roles Hurt Gay & Bi Men—Why Fluidity Matters Read More
By Daniel Nkado. For many Black gay men, internalised shame arrives quietly—through a barber’s sidelong glance, a preacher’s pause, or the sudden hush at family gatherings—when you walk into a …
Overcoming Internalised Shame as a Black Gay Man—A Research-Backed Guide Read More
By Daniel Nkado. In my Nigerian voice: I knew we were finished the moment I saw the language of the therapist’s office enter gay dating culture. 🙆🏾♂️😊 Terms like gaslighting, …
Gaslighting or Boundaries: Is Therapy Speak Ruining Gay Dating Today? Read More
By Daniel Nkado. Finding a long-term romantic partner presents difficulties for most people today. However, for gay and bisexual men, these challenges are compounded by barriers that extend beyond the …
Why gay dating feels impossible today: 6 science-backed reasons Read More
By Daniel Nkado. For many gay and bisexual men, the desire for receptive anal sex (bottoming) is thwarted by physical pain, panic, tightening or an inability to “relax.” Pelvic pain …
Pelvic Armouring—How it Makes Bottoming Harder for Gay & Bi men Read More
By Daniel Nkado. It was October 2012. I was barely 20. I travelled to Umuahia to meet a man I had met on Manjam. Manjam was what Grindr is today—a …
From Sandal to Scandal: The Origin and Dark Evolution of ‘Kito’ Read More
By Golden Madu and Daniel Nkado Content warning: This article contains descriptions of physical violence, sexual assault, extortion, and homophobic hate crimes. Reader discretion advised. “He seemed so genuine. We …
Kito Nightmare: 3 Nigerian Gay Men Recount Dating-App Ordeals Read More
By Daniel Nkado. Ageing is a universal experience, but how we navigate it can vary dramatically based on our identities and societal expectations. Have you ever wondered why some men …
How Straight and Gay Men Age Differently: A Cultural Exploration Read More
Love from the DNB family. For every member of the Black and African queer community—whether you’re in Lagos, Nairobi, Accra, Johannesburg, London, New York, Texas, or anywhere in the world—creativity …
Finding Joy and Healing Through Art—A Love Letter to Black Queer People Read More
by DNB editorial team. As Griff croons in her haunting track Earl Grey Tea: “You’re so scared you’re aging faster / So you drink Earl Grey tea ’cause you heard …
Why gay men fear ageing — And how we can rewrite the story 🖤❤️ Read More
By Great Maxwell. Warning: This piece contains accounts of forced religious “deliverance,” spiritual coercion, and sexual abuse that may be triggering. If you are in an unsafe situation, currently distressed, …
Coming out as gay in Nigeria: Surviving religious conversion therapy Read More
Pretty Boma, born Boma Kalio, is a 25-year-old trans Nigerian woman from Okrika in Rivers State, Nigeria. Her brave journey of self-discovery began early. At just 8 years old, she …
Finding affirming healthcare in Nigeria: A trans woman’s brave story Read More
By Daniel Nkado. Many gay men describe feeling a different kind of fatigue — a deep, persistent exhaustion that does not come from doing more work. It’s more like being …
Queer Burnout is real: How minority stress leaves gay men exhausted Read More
By DNB Editors. High self-esteem doesn’t look the same for everyone, and for gay men, it is often shaped by personal experiences of surviving stigma, community, and personal history. This …
How to spot high self-esteem in gay men and build yours Read More
by Gloria Ezeh Bottom-shaming is a set of words, jokes, profiles, and behaviours that demean receptive anal sex and the men who enjoy it. It shows up everywhere: in hookups …
How bottom‑shaming affects us all: Real-life examples and ways to end it Read More
By Daniel Nkado. “DL” stands for “down-low,” a term describing men—often Black or Latino men—who publicly present as straight but privately engage in same-sex relationships. Originating as an African-American slang …
DL Posing: How some gay men monetise down‑low identity for gain Read More
Written by Daniel Nkado My boyfriend, Okolo, is a proud man. As proud as a Yoruba boy with newly dyed hair. The first day we met, after several weeks of …
Love Story: The Sexist Man I Fell In Love With Read More
Written by Daniel Nkado. A sugar mummy is an older woman who dates a younger person that she spends money on. This younger person may be male or female (if the …
My experience with a sugar mummy in Lagos Read More