Why Many Black Gay Men Struggle With Spectatoring During Sex

Sex is supposed to be a moment of connection—where you are fully in your body, fully feeling rather than thinking. But sometimes, especially under pressure, your mind flips into “observer …

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How Internalised Stigma Fuels Erectile Issues in Black Gay Men

⚠️ Content Note: This article addresses erectile dysfunction, stigma, and mental health in gay men. Sensitive themes are discussed—please proceed with care. Erectile dysfunction (ED)—difficulty getting or keeping an erection …

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Want to Date Black Gay Men Without Fetishising Them? Here’s How

On dating apps, at parties, and inside queer community spaces, Black gay men frequently encounter racialised fetishisation—the experience of being approached through stereotypes rather than being met as a full …

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Keeping One’s Hand Straight in Igbo Culture: Integrity, Ikenga & Trust

The Igbo people of southeastern Nigeria share a rich culture centred on philosophy, spirituality, and communal values. Our fundamental way of seeing and interpreting the world rests heavily on three …

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Roy and Silo— Gay Penguin Couple That Raised a Chick in a Zoo

In the middle of Manhattan in 2000—where everything feels fast, loud, and larger than life—two male chinstrap penguins quietly became global symbols of tenderness, partnership, and unexpected parenthood. Their names …

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Two muscled Black gay men wearing rainbow-colored skirts to demonstrate the power of absurdity in breaking stigma and role associated pressures and anxiety.

The Power of Screaming ‘I’m a Power Bottom Lesbian’ as a Black Gay Man

By Daniel Nkado for dnbstories.com. In gay culture, “top,” “bottom,” and “vers” were never meant to be social identities or personality types. They were supposed to be simple communication tools …

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a group of Black gay men arguing following a disagreement over sex roles and toxic masculinity and gossiping

19 Unflattering Behaviours Seen in Black Queer Spaces—with Examples

By Victor Umeh & Daniel Nkado. Content warning: This article discusses interpersonal harm in Black queer spaces, including manipulation, femophobia, HIV stigma, and related dynamics. Some readers may find this …

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How to Handle Sexual Rejection as a Gay Man: A Practical Framework

By Daniel Nkado for dnbstories.com. Trigger note: This article discusses sexual rejection and stigma. If any section feels distressing, consider pausing and reaching out to a trusted person or professional …

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Many gay men are “versatile” rather than strictly top or bottom.

Top vs. Bottom: 8 Ways Rigid Roles Hurt Gay & Bi Men—Why Fluidity Matters

By Daniel Nkado. In queer dating and relationships, labels like top and bottom help people communicate what they enjoy. But when these terms solidify into permanent identities—dictating what someone “should” …

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For Black gay men Internalized shame isn't just a fleeting feeling; it's the deep-seated belief that something is inherently wrong with you, absorbed from years of external bias.

Overcoming Internalised Shame as a Black Gay Man—A Research-Backed Guide

By Daniel Nkado. For many Black gay men, internalised shame arrives quietly—through a barber’s sidelong glance, a preacher’s pause, or the sudden hush at family gatherings—when you walk into a …

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Why gay dating feels impossible today: 6 science-backed reasons

By Daniel Nkado. Finding a long-term romantic partner presents difficulties for most people today. However, for gay and bisexual men, these challenges are compounded by barriers that extend beyond the …

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nigerian gay kito victim crying after attack

Kito Nightmare: 3 Nigerian Gay Men Recount Dating-App Ordeals

By Golden Madu and Daniel Nkado Content warning: This article contains descriptions of physical violence, sexual assault, extortion, and homophobic hate crimes. Reader discretion advised. “He seemed so genuine. We …

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Black queer youth creating visual art during a community workshop in the diaspora.

Finding Joy and Healing Through Art—A Love Letter to Black Queer People

Love from the DNB family. For every member of the Black and African queer community—whether you’re in Lagos, Nairobi, Accra, Johannesburg, London, New York, Texas, or anywhere in the world—creativity …

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Coming out as gay in Nigeria: Surviving religious conversion therapy

By Great Maxwell. Warning: This piece contains accounts of forced religious “deliverance,” spiritual coercion, and sexual abuse that may be triggering. If you are in an unsafe situation, currently distressed, …

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Is my husband gay? Why millions of women still search this online

One commonly searched question that has continued to shock data experts is: “Is my husband gay?” The phenomenon is significant because it reveals how anonymity allows people to voice high-stakes …

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how-bottom-shaming-affects-every-gay-man and ways to combat it in queer spaces

How bottom‑shaming affects us all: Real-life examples and ways to end it

by Gloria Ezeh Bottom-shaming is a set of words, jokes, profiles, and behaviours that demean receptive anal sex and the men who enjoy it. It shows up everywhere: in hookups …

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DL Posing: How some gay men monetise down‑low identity for gain

By Daniel Nkado. “DL” stands for “down-low,” a term describing men—often Black or Latino men—who publicly present as straight but privately engage in same-sex relationships. Originating as an African-American slang …

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Dear Gay Men in 2025: You are not a Top, or a Bottom, or a Label

By Daniel Nkado. One troubling pattern I’ve observed about modern gay culture is the gendering of sex roles—treating “top” and “bottom” as if they’re fixed gender identities rather than fluid …

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