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Nigeria vs. UK Queer Life — How Safety Cancels Intimacy

A comparative analysis of LGBTQ+ life in Nigeria vs. the UK. A detailed exploration of how safety cancels intimacy and why dating apps replace community with consumption in low-risk contexts. …

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Why Some Black Gay Spaces Feel Unsafe —How to Rebuild Trust

Black gay spaces—on dating apps, in nightlife, in friendship circles, and across diaspora community networks—are often imagined as places of refuge. Yet the places we expect to be sanctuaries can …

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Why Internal Hierarchies Are So Common Among Black Gay Men

It’s Not “Toxic”—It’s Survival. When people talk about internal hierarchies among Black gay and bisexual men, they are usually describing the informal ranking systems that dominate dating apps, friendship circles, …

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Black Gay Men: After Love, Sex, and Attraction, What Next?

A reader recently shared: “I’m with someone I truly love. We’re deeply attracted to each other and have amazing sex. I want this to last—not in the short-term sense people …

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Black Gay Men in London: Forget Sexiness & Top/Bottom — Seek This First

Dating as a Black gay man in London can feel like navigating a maze of contradictory expectations. From the apps that reduce men to bodies and labels, and conversations where …

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Black Gay Couples and Adoption: Eligibility and Wait Times

Black Gay Couples and the ‘Wait Time’ Myth For many Black gay couples considering adoption, one fear looms larger than the rest: “We’ll never be chosen.” This belief circulates globally—across …

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Impact of Slavery on Black Masculinity and Black Gay Desire

Strong But Not Smart: The Creation of a Myth American slavery promoted a harmful narrative that defined Black men’s worth by physical strength rather than intellect. The “strong bodies, weak …

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How ‘Hood’ and ‘DL’ Performance Harms Black Gay Men

‘Hood’ Stereotype in Black Gay Culture While other definitions exist, in queer discourse and LGBTQ+ digital spaces, the term “hood” takes on a specific, troubling meaning. “Hood” in gay culture …

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Why Black Gay Men Don’t Have to ‘Come Out’ Like Other Races

Introduction—Rethinking the Western Closet Paradigm Western culture often portrays “coming out of the closet” as a transformative experience for gay men—a narrative promoted by the media, popular culture, and mainstream …

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How Black Gay Men Promote Stigma That Comes Back To Hurt Us

As Black gay men, we navigate a world layered with intersecting oppressions—racism from broader society and homophobia within our own racial communities. Knowing this, one would think that any gathering …

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Keeping One’s Hand Straight in Igbo Culture: Integrity, Ikenga & Trust

The Igbo people of southeastern Nigeria share a rich culture centred on philosophy, spirituality, and communal values. Our fundamental way of seeing and interpreting the world rests heavily on three …

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a group of Black gay men arguing following a disagreement over sex roles and toxic masculinity and gossiping

19 Unflattering Behaviours Seen in Black Queer Spaces—with Examples

Content warning: This article discusses interpersonal harm in Black queer spaces, including manipulation, femophobia, HIV stigma, and related dynamics. Some readers may find this emotionally activating—please proceed with care. Introduction …

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Dear Gay Men in 2025: You are not a Top, or a Bottom, or a Label

One troubling pattern I’ve observed about modern gay culture is the gendering of sex roles—treating “top” and “bottom” as if they’re fixed gender identities rather than fluid sexual preferences. And …

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