by Staff writer
So you recently saw that cute smiling baby with her cute dimples cradled by her equally smiling mother on Facebook and go like: “OMG, I want one!”
My advice to you:
Don’t!
The truth is that we all think babies are cute until we have them.
Here are a bunch of 35 mean reasons you should get those tubes tied and also encourage your partner to get a vasectomy, just to be extra sure!
Ready?
1. Morning sickness
Your doctor will tell you that it is a good sign because it means the placenta is developing well. Lies! There is nothing good about throwing up in the kitchen sink because you just can’t make it to the bathroom.
2. Stretch marks on top of stretch marks.
Why turn yourself into a zebra when you can remain a dove?
3. Not being able to wear your wedding ring because your fingers have morphed into sausages.
4. Sex with a fetus inside you isn’t a great experience at all.
5. Cankles.
Your ankle will get swollen and merge with your calf. You can’t imagine how ugly that looks!
6. Not having your period for 9 months may be good…but you still have to wear a pad.
7. Not recognizing yourself in the mirror.
Your cheeks will look like doughnuts made by a baker’s apprentice.
8. Nine months of dedicated service.
9. The distress of childbirth.
10. The placenta.
11. Taking that first poop after delivery.
Gross!
12. The dried out, ready-to-fall-off umbilical cord.
13. Running out of wipes at the worst possible moment.
14. Being on the receiving end of endless and unwanted advice on everything involving your baby.
15. Having to use a breast pump.
16. Realizing that the baby weight isn’t, in fact, going to melt off. You will remain changed forever.
17. Living in constant fear of waking the baby, who had taken, OMG seriously, an hour and a half to put to sleep.
18. Cutting teeny, tiny, paper thin fingernails.
19. Obsessively checking to make sure the baby is breathing when he or she is finally soundly asleep.
20. Vaccinations.
21. Worrying that the baby’s floppy head might actually fall off.
22. Rectally taking temperatures.
23. Sore nipples.
24. Changing diapers every now and then.
25. Being incapable of having real conversations with other adults.
26. That constant projectile baby vomit.
27. Trying to remain sane during the fussy episodes.
28. Searching in the middle of the night for a lost pacifier, like it was a million dollar lottery ticket.
29. Finally accepting that your feet aren’t actually returning to their original size.
30. The constant sleep deprivation.
31. Fearing that the baby might prefer someone – anyone – to you.
32. Teething problems.
33. Ear infections.
34. Explosive diarrhea.
35. Maneuvering a stroller around a store not built for strollers.
And lastly, the fact that babies don’t remain babies.
They turn into kids.
Kids into adults.
Adults into parents who’d rarely give a fuck about you now because there are now other important people in their lives to concentrate on.
The 35 reasons make me laugh. It's good to have the experience. Am proud of it
No reasons whatsoever will make me trade my daughter for anything.
Her smile alone is infectious.
#kissing her chubby cheeks ryt now.