Pretty Boma, born Boma Kalio, is a 25-year-old trans Nigerian woman from Okrika in Rivers State, Nigeria. Her brave journey of self-discovery began early. At just 8 years old, she started cross-dressing, wrapping herself in her mother’s fabrics and admiring her reflection in the mirror.
It wasn’t until she watched the Spanish film All About My Mother that she fully understood her transgender identity. She realised she had always felt like a girl, behaved like one, and that her assigned gender at birth simply didn’t align with her true self. At that young age, the term “transgender” was still unfamiliar to her (Pretty Boma, 2024)5.
All About My Mother (Todo sobre mi madre) is a 1999 Spanish film that follows the story of Manuela, a grieving single mother who, after her teenage son dies, travels to Barcelona to find the boy’s father, who now lives as a transgender woman.
(IMDb, 1999)2.
Facing rejection from her family…
Growing up in a traditional Nigerian household, Boma encountered deep-seated transphobia from her parents. They harshly criticised her whenever they caught her expressing her femininity. Her father, in an attempt to enforce masculine norms, forced her to carry heavy bricks at a construction site when she was 13.
Trapped in this environment, Boma couldn’t openly express her desire to live as a girl. Instead, she bided her time until university, choosing the University of Lagos specifically to escape the toxicity of home and start her transition far away—vowing never to return (Pretty Boma, 2024)5.
Isolation and struggles in university life
University promised freedom, but it delivered isolation. Boma occasionally attended lectures in feminine attire, only to be met with stares and alienation from her peers. They labelled her with derogatory terms like “Homo Boy” or “woman-man,” leaving her socially ostracised.
The few friends she made during registration drifted away once she showed up in heels and makeup. This rejection plunged her into depression, and she briefly considered conforming to societal expectations just to fit in. With no support system, she turned to LGBT-themed movies for comfort, but her internal battle with gender identity persisted (Pretty Boma, 2024)5.
The perils of self-managed hormone therapy (HRT)
Determined to align her body with her identity, Boma learned about hormone replacement therapy (HRT) through films and decided to pursue it. In Nigeria, where affirming healthcare for trans individuals is scarce and often judgmental, she couldn’t afford or access professional guidance. She began self-administering estrogens without a prescription. The changes were thrilling—breasts developed, facial hair thinned, and she felt closer to her dream self. She regretted not starting sooner, believing it might have made her transition less detectable.
But the risks soon materialised. Side effects like headaches, dizziness, and mood swings escalated to a life-threatening crisis: a severe headache and blurred vision led to a diagnosis of a blood clot in her lungs, a known complication of unsupervised estrogen use.
The oral form of estrogen often used in unregulated settings significantly increases the risk of Venous Thromboembolism (VTE), a serious condition involving blood clots (Obermair, 2025)4.
At the university clinic, doctors berated her for her choices and warned that her survival odds were low. Placed in an induced coma for weeks, Boma fought alone, without family or friends by her side. This ordeal stands as her darkest moment as a trans woman in Nigeria, but she’s profoundly grateful to have survived.
Post-recovery, she resumed HRT under proper medical supervision, which not only improved her physical changes but also bolstered her confidence and sense of femininity (Pretty Boma, 2024)5.
Building community amid adversity
In her search for belonging, Boma found initial solace in LGBT media. Broader community connections came with caution, given the dangers in Nigeria. Her experiences highlight the isolation many trans people face, but also the quiet networks that offer support.
Broader community connections are fraught with danger due to the legal environment. The Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act (SSMPA), 2014, criminalises same-sex cohabitation, public displays of affection, and the operation or participation in organisations that support the rights of LGBTQ+ people with prison sentences up to 14 years (Human Rights Watch, 2014)3. This law institutionalises the hostility that forces trans individuals underground and prevents access to safe support networks.
Boma’s romantic and sexual journeys added extra layers of complexity. After recovery, her first intimate encounter turned traumatic. Connecting with a man named Tonye via Facebook, she disclosed her trans identity upfront, and he seemed accepting. Their night together was positive—until morning, when he reacted violently upon realising that she indeed had a penis.
He locked her in, left, and returned with accomplices who assaulted her, robbed her, and ejected her naked onto the street. Shattered, she swore off intimacy, though she later acknowledged that vow didn’t hold.
Boma reflects on the hypocrisy she sees in Nigerian society: many straight men privately seek out trans women while publicly condemning queer and trans individuals. Subsequent experiences reinforced this, with partners claiming post-intimacy regret or intoxication (Pretty Boma, 2024)5.
Reflections and a call for change
Boma shares her story openly, including full details and her image in her best light, undeterred by potential backlash. She draws a clear distinction often misunderstood in Nigeria: being transgender involves a profound mismatch between one’s gender identity and assigned sex at birth, often leading to medical transition, whereas cross-dressing is about clothing choices for various reasons.
Cross-dressing is a form of gender expression or performance through clothing and appearance, often challenging societal norms. It doesn’t automatically indicate someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity. A transgender person is someone whose gender identity does not match the sex they were assigned at birth. This is a more complex situation that often leads to social or medical transitioning.
(Bahari, 2024)1
Her narrative serves as a powerful reminder that fostering safer communities starts with acceptance and education. Had she received early support and informed healthcare guidance, her suffering might have been lessened.
Trans people, she emphasises, are human first—deserving of respect, dignity, and protection from harm, just like anyone else. Being trans is only a small part of her identity; it’s not her entire being. She urges society to see individuals for who they truly are, beyond labels.
Boma’s story underscores the high “cost of visibility” for trans Nigerians: the risks of rejection, violence, and health crises, balanced against the pursuit of affirming care and genuine community. Boma’s resilience offers hope and a blueprint for change.
Resources for support:
If you’re facing challenges related to gender identity, sexual orientation, or LGBTQ+ issues in Nigeria, help is available. Below is a list of confidential support groups, prioritising local resources while including accessible international ones. Always verify details, as services may change. Nigeria is not safe for LGBTQ+ persons, so please move with caution.
1. The Initiative for Equal Rights (TIERs): Provides psychosocial counselling, legal aid, and sexual health services for marginalised communities, including LGBTQ+ individuals.
- Emergency Hotlines: 0908893562 or 08146337128.
- Website: https://theinitiativeforequalrights.org/ for more services.
2. Bisi Alimi Foundation: Advocates for LGBT rights and visibility in Nigeria, offering community support and resources.
- Contact: Visit https://bisialimifoundation.org/ for inquiries and programs.
3. Obodo Nigeria: Youth-led organisation focusing on LGBTQI+ rights through art, tech, and community building; includes a queer emergency fund for mutual aid in crises like homelessness.
- Website: https://obodonigeria.org/ for events, funds, and support applications.
References
- Bahari, L. P. J. (2024). Between Transgender And Hobbies: A Study of Crossdresser Phenomenon on Facebook Social Media Platform. An-Nisa Jurnal Kajian Perempuan Dan Keislaman, 17(1), 22–35. https://doi.org/10.35719/annisa.v17i1.222
- IMDb (1999) Todo sobre mi madre, IMDb. Available at: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0185125/.
- Human Rights Watch. (2014, January 14). Nigeria: Anti-LGBT Law Threatens Basic Rights. Retrieved from https://www.hrw.org/news/2014/01/14/nigeria-anti-lgbt-law-threatens-basic-rights
- Obermair, A. (2025, June 27). What types of Hormone Replacement Therapy are safe? Professor Andreas Obermair. Retrieved from https://www.obermair.info/latest-news/blog/hormone-replacement-therapy/
- Pretty Boma. (2024, May). Surviving Nigeria as a Trans Woman: Pretty Boma. dnbstories.com. Retrieved from https://dnbstories.com/2024/05/surviving-nigeria-as-trans-woman-pretty-boma.html
Great Read, thank you for this!