by Staff writer
For most people, “gay” means a man who has sex with other men.
But as more stories are shared, more studies conducted, that label has been found not to be entirely correct.
Of course, a huge part of being gay is having sex with other men, but not all men who have sex with other men are really gay, studies now show.
James, 28, says he regularly got blowjobs from a gay pal in his teens, but he doesn’t consider himself gay.
“Me and my mate would fool around but mainly he would do it to me,” he explains. “I wasn’t as interested in his cock as he was in mine, but I think we both got something out of it.”
According to GQ magazine, if there’s one thing hormone-frazzled 17-year-old boys aren’t getting anywhere near enough of as they want, it’s oral sex.
“I didn’t have a girlfriend yet and my mate was just discovering his sexuality and wanted to try. I always made it clear we weren’t in a relationship and that nobody should know. But I didn’t feel guilty and I think he was cool with it,” James said.
“I’ve never been with a man since and I’m happily married now. I doubt I’d do it again as that would mean being unfaithful, but I consider myself straight. It’s fine to experiment; it’s a big part of finding out who you are.”
Mark, a 28-year-old investment banker had already had one skirmish with a gay guy when his colleague’s boyfriend came on to him in a club bathroom and went down on him.
As he revealed, his second time was a different matter altogether. This time his girlfriend was there.
“I was in the couples room at Torture Garden [a fetish club in London] and a stranger gave me a blowjob,” Mark explains.
“I just didn’t really feel the desire to f*** him. I suppose it’s possible I might go further one day but I think it’s very unlikely. I almost never think men are attractive.”
Mark maintained he has never been concerned about his sexuality, as he is sure he is only attracted to women.
“I think that ‘being gay’ or ‘being straight’ is about much more than some sexual contact.”
Zak, 25, a videographer shares his own story:
“I’d never really thought about being bi or gay,” he explains.
“I’d only ever been with girls and had never really been sexually attracted to any guy before.
“When I was 20, a load of our sixth form year got together for a party. George was a guy from my year I’d known fairly well but never been close to.
“We were both fairly drunk and I remember just feeling happy to see him for the first time in ages and for some reason, knowing he was gay, I kissed him rather than hugging him. We chatted for a bit and then we both carried on with the night – not really thinking much about it.”
Zak continues: “Later on, we were both alone on the landing and he kissed me again. This time, for some reason, I didn’t really stop him and before long we were fully making out – we snuck into one of the bedrooms and one thing led to another.”
“I did enjoy myself. I suppose I’m quite a sexually liberal person and didn’t really think of it as being ‘gay’, it just was fun and at the time I was enjoying it.”
“We had sex, both oral and anal,” says Zak. “I ‘topped’ [the other guy played a passive role and ‘received’], I don’t think I’d have been comfortable with it the other way around.”
It’s not uncommon for straight men who have sex with another man to experience “gay panic” and feel guilty about what they’ve done and what it means.
This can, on occasion, lead to persecution of, or violence against the other guy, whether he’s gay or also straight.
But Zak remains unfazed about the experience.
“I wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed,” he says. “I still identify as straight and don’t think I’d initiate something with a bloke, but put in the same situation I could see myself doing it again!”
And Zak’s right, sex is just sex.
Credit: GQ Magazine