Pelvic Armouring—How it Makes Bottoming Harder for Gay & Bi men

For many gay and bisexual men, the desire for receptive anal sex (bottoming) is thwarted by physical pain, panic, or an inability to “relax.”

This is often described as Somatic Armouring —a process by which the body tightens up in response to stress, shame, or trauma, and over time this turns into fixed patterns of muscle tension.

This article explores why this happens—referencing evidence from trauma neurobiology and pelvic health research—and offers actionable, trauma-informed pathways to recovery.

1. What is Somatic and Pelvic Armouring?

Somatic armouring is a defence mechanism in which the body maintains chronic muscle tension to protect against perceived threats, whether physical or emotional.

Pelvic armouring is somatic armouring that is localised to the pelvic floor, anal area and surrounding muscles.

The concept of muscular armours was developed by psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich, who described how repressed emotions, anxieties, and traumas over time manifest as physical tension and rigidity in specific muscle groups of the body (Reich, 1972)⁹.

Somatic armouring means your body is “bracing for impact” even when you want to be intimate. It is not a moral failing, a lack of experience, or a weakness. It is a physiological safety response.

Pelvic armouring:

When somatic armouring occurs in the pelvic region or saddle area, it is often called pelvic armouring or pelvic hypertonicity: the muscles of the pelvic floor become short, tight, and unable to stretch, making anal penetration painful or impossible (Cohen et al., 2018)².

How it Manifests: Symptoms and Signs

A person struggling with bottoming/receptive sex may recognise these common physical and emotional indicators:

• Involuntary Clamping: A reflex tightening of the anal sphincters and puborectalis muscle, creating a sensation of hitting a “wall.”
• Chronic Pelvic Tension: Persistent tightness in the glutes, adductors (inner thighs), and lower back.
• Visceral Sensitivity: A strong link between pelvic tension and bowel issues, such as IBS, constipation, or extreme sensitivity during penetration (Farmer et al., 2015)⁵.
• The Jaw-Pelvis Connection: Teeth grinding (bruxism), jaw pain, and clicking or clenching the jaw during sex. Research shows a functional fascial connection between the jaw and pelvic floor; when one tightens, the other often follows (Zerman et al., 2019)¹⁵.
• Dissociation: Feeling “checked out,” numb, or panic-stricken when intimacy deepens. This is a nervous system “freeze” response (Schauer and Elbert, 2010)¹¹.

2. Why it Happens—Root Causes of Pelvic Armouring

Armouring is rarely caused by a single event. It is usually a “biopsychosocial” issue—a mix of biology, psychology, and social environment.

a. “Porn Scripts” and Performance Anxiety

Mainstream pornography often depicts immediate, aggressive penetration, creating unrealistic expectations. The pressure to “perform” or “take it like a man” increases sympathetic nervous system arousal (anxiety), which physiologically hinders sphincter relaxation.

b. Assimilated Shame and Stigma

Heterosexist conditioning often codes the anus as “dirty” and bottoming as “unmanly.” These prejudices, when internalised, can cause tightening and reflexive tension during an attempt to bottom. Internalised homonegativity has also been linked with higher rates of sexual dysfunction in gay and bi men (Lyons et al., 2022)⁷.

c. Trauma and Adverse Experiences

• Sexual Trauma: Past non-consensual or painful sexual experiences can condition the nervous system to interpret penetration as a violation, triggering a reflex contraction.
• Childhood Trauma: High “ACE” (Adverse Childhood Experience) scores are strongly linked to chronic pelvic pain and somatisation in adulthood (Felitti et al., 1998⁶; Paras et al., 2009)⁸.

How Internalised Stigma Causes Physical Tension and Pain

Somatisation occurs when continued emotional stress manifests as real physical symptoms in the body, such as pain, fatigue, or muscle tension. Because these symptoms are driven by internal emotional or psychological conflict rather than structural injury, doctors often struggle to diagnose the root cause using standard tests.

Pelvic armouring is a specific form of somatisation common in sexual health. Here, the physical symptoms are driven by emotional factors like internalised shame/stigma, performance anxiety, or a lack of trust in a partner.

Example Scenario:

Okolo identifies as an “Alpha Dom Top” on Grindr and frequently voices the belief that “real men only top.” However, he meets a partner, Lawal, whom he is strongly attracted to and decides to try bottoming. Despite his conscious willingness, he immediately experiences severe pain and tightness. There is no physical injury or inflammation. Instead, Okolo’s nervous system is experiencing a conflict between his desire and his rigid belief.

This is an excellent example of the impact of Role Rigidity and Cognitive Dissonance:

The Conflict: Okolo has a conscious desire (he is attracted to Lawal and wants to try bottoming), but he has a deep-seated subconscious belief (“real men don’t bottom/bottoming is shameful”).

The Result: The brain detects a threat to his identity or likely exposure to shame from the act (per Okolo’s ingrained belief about bottoming) and triggers the sympathetic nervous system, causing the pelvic floor muscles to contract (armour up) to prevent the act. Poor Okolo had no say in this.

By expanding a sexual role to a rigid identity framed by internalised prejudices, Okolo created a psychological conflict called cognitive dissonance —the mental discomfort or uneasiness people feel when their actions do not match their beliefs (dnbstories, 2025b)⁴.

Dear Gay Men in 2025: You are not a Top, or a Bottom, or a Label

3. Pathways to Healing: Evidence-Based Treatments

A multidisciplinary approach is recommended for treatment and recovery from pelvic armouring. It requires addressing both the tissue (muscles/nerves) and the issue (trauma/safety).

a. Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy (PFPT)

This is the gold standard for treating hypertonicity  (van Reijn-Baggen et al., 2021)¹⁴.

A trauma-informed PT can provide:

• Down-Training: Teaching muscles to lengthen and relax (reverse Kegels) rather than contract.
• Manual Release: External and internal (intra-rectal) trigger-point release to alleviate spasms in the levator ani.
• Dilator Therapy: A graded protocol to slowly desensitise the tissues to stretch.

b. Somatic Psychotherapy

Traditional talk therapy may not reach the body’s reflexes, so somatic approaches are vital:

• Somatic Experiencing (SE): Focuses on completing thwarted defensive responses and building “interoception” (body awareness). It has proven effective for chronic pain and trauma (Andersen et al., 2017)¹.
• EMDR: Stands for “Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing”. Proven highly effective if there are specific traumatic memories linked to the pelvic pain.

c. Nervous System Regulation (Bottom-Up)

You cannot relax the anus if the brain feels unsafe.

• Breathwork: Deep, diaphragmatic breathing stimulates the Vagus nerve, lowering heart rate and pelvic tone.
• Trauma-Sensitive Yoga: Studies suggest yoga can be an effective adjunctive treatment for PTSD and resetting baseline muscle tension (van der Kolk et al., 2014)¹³.

Control-Relax Tip: A guide to pain-free bottoming for all men

IV. Medical Intervention

In severe cases, medical intervention may be needed to break the cycle of pain and tightness:

• Muscle Relaxants: Suppositories (e.g., Baclofen/Diazepam) deliver medication directly to the pelvic floor with fewer systemic side effects (Rogier et al., 2021)¹⁰.
• SSRI Management: Anxiety drives tension, but some SSRIs cause sexual side effects. Ensure you fully discuss options with a psychiatrist familiar with sexual health.

Practical Steps You Can Try On Your Own

If you are experiencing pain during an attempt to bottom, stop. Don’t keep trying to push through. Pain reinforces the danger signal to your brain, making the armouring worse.

i. Immediate Self-Care (During intimacy)

• Pause and Pivot: If sex hurts, stop. Switch to non-penetrative intimacy, at least for that moment.
• Check Your Jaw: If you feel tightness, check if your teeth are clenched. Wiggle your jaw or blow raspberries with your lips to relax the facial muscles.

ii. Mindful reframing (Before intimacy)

Mindful reframing is the conscious act of catching anxious and negative thoughts (e.g., “this might get messy” or “I will lose my top status”) and then actively changing them into balanced, realistic viewpoints:
—”I can use a dildo to check that I am clean before beginning.”
—”I will take my time, and even if it gets messy, it’s not the end of the world”.
—”I’m doing this for myself; my worth is not tied to a sex act” (dnbstories, 2025a)³.

iii. Solo Ass and Toy Play

• The Pelvic Drop: Inhale deeply into your belly and visualise your pelvic floor dropping/bulging outward (like you are gently pushing out gas).
• Graded Exposure: When ready, use a well-lubricated finger, a small dildo or dilator to gradually help the sphincter adapt to penetration. The goal is not depth or motion, but simply presence without pain (Scott et al., 2020)¹².

iv. Communication Scripts

Use these to advocate for yourself with partners or doctors:

• With a Partner: Say, “I need to go much slower to let my nervous system catch up. Can we spend 10 minutes just breathing together before we try again?”
• With a Doctor: “I experience involuntary tightening and pain during intercourse. I suspect pelvic floor hypertonicity and would like a referral to a pelvic floor physical therapist.”

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References

1. Andersen, T. E., Lahav, Y., Ellegaard, H., & Manniche, C. (2017). A randomised controlled trial of Somatic Experiencing for patients with low back pain and comorbid posttraumatic stress symptoms. European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 8(1), 1379719. https://doi.org/10.1080/20008198.2017.1379719
2. Cohen, D., Gonzalez, A., & Goldstein, I. (2018). Anal sphincter hypertonicity in men who have sex with men. International Journal of Colorectal Disease, 33(10), 1411–1417. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00384-018-3078-1
3. dnbstories.com (2025a) Control-Relax Tip: A guide to pain-free bottoming for all men – DNB Stories Africa, DNB Stories Africa. Available at: https://dnbstories.com/2025/10/control-relax-guide-to-pain-free-bottoming-for-men.html
4. dnbstories.com (2025b). Dear Gay Men in 2025: You are not a Top, or a Bottom, or a Label – DNB Stories Africa, DNB Stories Africa. Available at: https://dnbstories.com/2025/09/dear-gay-men-you-are-neither-top-nor-bottom.html
5. Farmer, A. D., Aziz, Q. (2015). Brain–gut axis in visceral pain: Recent findings from functional imaging. Neurogastroenterology & Motility, 27(2), 165–175. https://doi.org/10.1111/nmo.12500
6. Felitti, V. J., Anda, R. F., Nordenberg, D., Williamson, D. F., Spitz, A. M., Edwards, V., & Marks, J. S. (1998). Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults: The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 14(4), 245–258. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0749-3797(98)00017-8
7. Lyons, A., Waling, A., Minerson, T., & Bourne, A. (2022). Internalised homonegativity and sexual function in gay and bisexual men: Findings from a large national survey. Journal of Sex Research, 59(4), 456–468. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2021.1891234
8. Paras, M. L., Murad, M. H., Chen, L. P., Goranson, E. N., Sattler, A. L., Colbenson, K. M., … & Zirakzadeh, A. (2009). Sexual abuse, somatisation, and irritable bowel syndrome: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Gastroenterology, 136(5), 1549–1557. https://doi.org/10.1053/j.gastro.2009.01.057
9. Reich, W. (1972). Character analysis (3rd ed.). Farrar, Straus and Giroux. (Original work published 1942)
10. Rogier, L., & Lehur, P. A. (2021). Rectal baclofen/diazepam suppositories for levator ani syndrome. Techniques in Coloproctology, 25(8), 923–929. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10151-021-02456-7
11. Schauer, M., & Elbert, T. (2010). Dissociation following traumatic stress: Etiology and treatment. Zeitschrift für Psychologie / Journal of Psychology, 218(2), 109–127. https://doi.org/10.1027/0044-3409/a000018
12. Scott, K. M., Gosai, E., Bradley, M. H., & Walton, S. (2020). Pelvic floor rehabilitation for male sexual dysfunction. Sexual Medicine Reviews, 8(2), 254–264. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sxmr.2020.02.004
13. van der Kolk, B. A., Stone, L., West, J., Rhodes, A., Emerson, D., Suvak, M., & Spinazzola, J. (2014). Yoga as an adjunctive treatment for posttraumatic stress disorder: A randomised controlled trial. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 75(6), e559–e565. https://doi.org/10.4088/JCP.13m08561
14. van Reijn-Baggen, D. A., Han-Geurts, I. J. M., Voorham-van der Zalm, P. J., Pelger, R. C. M., Hagenaars-van Miert, C. H. A. C., & Laan, E. T. M. (2021). Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy for Pelvic Floor Hypertonicity: A Systematic Review of Treatment Efficacy. Sexual Medicine Reviews, 10(2). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sxmr.2021.03.002
15. Zerman, D. H. (2019). Myofascial release of jaw and pelvic floor in chronic prostatitis/chronic pelvic pain syndrome: A randomized trial. Urologia Internationalis, 102(3), 312–318. https://doi.org/10.1159/000497123