The ‘BBC’ Fetish and Black Gay Men: How Desire Can Dehumanise

By Daniel Nkado.

On apps like Grindr, Scruff, or Jack’d, many Black gay and bisexual men often notice a distinct pattern: their inboxes fill up faster than those of their peers, but the quality of connection is often vastly different.

Messages range from a generic “Hey” to immediate, explicit propositions. At first glance, this might look like a win in a world that often treats Black queer men as invisible.

However, for far too many, this flood of attention quickly reveals itself as some form of fetish, most notably the BBC or Big Black Cock fetish—a racialised script that reduces a complex human being to a stereotype born in pornography and rooted in centuries of anti-Black racism (Goss, 2021)⁵.

Soon, the receiver of these messages will begin to understand the underlying ideas behind these messages. This isn’t a desire with value. It is desire without humanity.

What the ‘BBC’ Fetish Really Means

The acronym “BBC” is rarely just about size. It acts as a shorthand for three intertwined myths that dominate gay hookup culture (Collins, 2005³; Kane, 2017):

1. Hypersexuality: The portrayal of Black men as primal, aggressive, and sexually insatiable.
2. Genital Essentialism: The false belief that every Black man is exceptionally endowed, turning natural human variation into a racial mandate.
3. Top-Only Dominance: The expectation that Black men exist solely to aggressively “top” or “breed” non-Black partners, often with degrading or violent undertones.

These concepts are not new. They are direct descendants of the “Black brute” caricature used historically to justify the policing of Black men (Alexander, 2012)¹. Today, however, they are repackaged as a sexual “preference.”

As one Black gay man shared in an online forum:

“One guy literally said, ‘Then what’s the point of you being Black, if you don’t top?’ when I told him I’m a verse bottom who prefers affection over aggression.” (r/BlackLGBT, 2023)

The Numbers: A Story of Widespread Objectification

Statistics from academic research and platform data paint a stark picture of how racialised fetishisation operates in the digital space.

• The “Desirability” Gap: In a comprehensive analysis of dating data from 2009–2014, OkCupid found that Black men were rated as the least desirable racial group overall by non-Black users. Yet, paradoxically, racialised sexual search terms remained extremely popular (Rudder, 2014)¹⁰.
• The Impact of Labels: A 2016 study of Australian gay and bisexual men revealed that profiles explicitly mentioning “BBC,” “thug,” or “big Black dick” received dramatically more messages than profiles of Black men who did not reference race or genitals (Callander et al., 2016)².
• Mental Health Toll: In a 2022 U.S. survey of 1,200 Black sexual minority men, 61% reported frequent racialised sexual objectification on dating apps. Furthermore, 44% of respondents explicitly stated that these interactions harmed their self-esteem (Wade et al., 2021)¹¹.
• Market Forces: Pornhub’s 2023 Year in Review confirmed that “Ebony” and “BBC” categories consistently rank in the global top 10 searches, evidencing the massive commercial market driving these stereotypes (Pornhub Insights, 2023)⁷.

Preference vs. Fetish: Knowing the Difference

A common defence in dating apps is, “It’s just a preference.” However, a genuine preference is flexible and individual (unique to a person), whereas fetishisation is rigid and reductive.

The Difference	✅ Genuine Preference	🚩 Racial Fetishization
Flexibility (How rigid is the desire?)	Flexible & Open. You might have a “type,” but you are open to surprises. “I usually like tall guys, but I really like your vibe.”	Rigid & Mandatory. The attraction relies 100% on race. If the race factor is removed, the interest is gone. “I only like Black guys who are hung and dominant.”
Reaction to Variance (What if he breaks the script?)	Curiosity. If he wants to cuddle or bottom, you adapt because you like him. “Totally cool, I’m down for whatever feels good.”	Disappointment/Anger. If he doesn’t fit the stereotype (e.g., he is affectionate or bottoms), the attraction evaporates immediately. “What’s the point of you being Black if you don’t top?”
Scope of Interest (What are you looking at?)	The Whole Person. You see his job, his humour, his flaws, and his humanity. “I’d love to hear more about your photography.”	The Body Parts. You see a walking porn category or a prop for your own pleasure. “Send a dick pic. Is it big?”
Emotional Aftermath (How does he feel after?)	Connection. He feels seen, validated, and respected as an equal.	Empty & Used. He feels dehumanized, like an object used to scratch an itch.

💡 Quick Guidance for Better Connections on Grindr, Hinge, Jack’d

• If you’re messaging: Ask about his day or interests before commenting on his race or anatomy.
• If you’re writing a bio: Lead with a human detail (job, hobby) and a short boundary line (e.g., “Not a category. No fetish talk.”).
• If you’re being fetishised: Remember that “No” is a complete sentence. You have the right to block, report, or ignore anyone who makes you feel like a product.

The “In-House” Problem: Black men fetishising other Black men

It is uncomfortable to admit, but the “BBC” and “Thug” narratives aren’t just pushed by non-Black men. They also thrive within the Black community. Same-race physical objectification or intraracial objectification happens when Black men express attraction to other Black men—not based on shared culture or genuine connection—but by prioritising the same racial stereotypes seen in porn (Ferber, 2007)⁴.

Why It Happens: Cultural forces—pornography, historical racial tropes, and internalised ideals of masculinity—all shape what we find erotic. This circulates and solidifies even within the same racial group, influencing how Black men evaluate partners and how they are evaluated in turn.

Healthy Attraction	Intraracial Fetish
“I love our shared culture, our skin, and I feel safest with other Black men.” (Rooted in connection).	“I only date Black guys who look like thugs/hood dudes.” (Rooted in a caricature).

Consequences: Black men fetishising other Black men does not make the act okay. It reproduces the same harms as interracial fetishisation.

Harmful Consequences of Racialised Fetishisation

Fetishisation isn’t a “personal preference.” It is a mechanism that sustains many racialised harms that extend from private spaces into community and public life.

a. Reinforces the “Dangerous Black Man” narrative (e.g., thug, Mandingo). This script sponsors one of the most harmful biases against Black men, which makes extra suspicion and harder policing feel justified. Sexual stereotypes spill into workplaces, courts, and public spaces, intensifying surveillance and harsher judgment. The BBC fantasiser at night might be sitting as a judge the next morning (Robinson, 2015)⁸.

b. Fetishisation reduces people to roles, where their vulnerability, emotional needs, and mental health struggles do not matter. Intimate encounters become one-sided, centring the fetishiser’s fantasy and leaving the other partner emotionally drained (Husbands et al., 2013)⁶.

c. Loss of individuality and a fragile self-worth. Over time, Black gay men internalise these expectations, thinking it is the only thing that makes them valuable. So many respond by “always wanting top and constantly defending being a top, acting dominant or hypermasculine or projecting the macho persona, to secure attention. Soon, the community itself learns to treat anyone who deviates as a sellout, because why wouldn’t anyone want to be valued?

d. Mental health issues. Constant objectification produces shame, isolation, anxiety, and depression, while discouraging openness.

e. Monetises Black existence: Media, porn, and dating‑app cultures monetise racialised fantasies, turning Black bodies into profitable stereotypes. Repeated exposure teaches some Black people to equate their worth with those narrow portrayals (Stacey & Forbes, 2021)⁹.

How to Move Toward Real Connection

a. For Non-Black Gay/Bi Men

Pause and reflect before sending that message.

• Check your language: Are you leading with race or anatomy?
• Check your expectations: Would you still be excited if he wanted to go on a date, cuddle, or be the receptive partner?
• Check your source: Are you consuming Black bodies the way mainstream porn taught you, or are you seeing a full human being?

For Black Gay/Bi Men

Your worth is not tied to a stereotype.

• Block freely: It is okay to block anyone who opens with “BBC,” “mandingo,” or objectifying language.
• Seek reciprocity: You deserve partners who ask about your day before asking for photos.
• Define your pleasure: It is okay to want romance, gentleness, and equality.

Bio Templates for Filtering Fetishisation On Apps

You can copy and paste these profile protection scripts into your apps. Edit accordingly if needed.

Platform	Option 1: Direct & Firm	Option 2: Casual & Conversational	Placement Strategy
Grindr	“Not a category. Here for connection, not porn.” ❌ If your opener says “BBC,” “thug,” or “breeding” you will be blocked. ✅ Into [Hobby] — ask me about it.	“Not a kink. Here for real vibes.” 🚫 No racial/fetish talk. ✅ Pizza, movies, and actual conversation.	First Line of “About Me”: Make it the very first thing they see to filter out low-effort messages instantly.
Jack’d	“Human first. Fetishizers blocked.” I don’t fit your stereotype. Looking for guys who can hold a conversation about more than just my race.	“More than a type.” Swipe left if you’re looking for a ‘BBC’ fantasy. Swipe right if you like [Interest 1] and [Interest 2].	“About Me” or “Scene”: Jack’d allows for slightly longer bios; use the extra space to pivot immediately to your interests after the boundary.
Hinge	“I’m a [Job] who happens to be Black—not a stereotype.” I don’t respond to racialized comments. Ask me about [Interest] instead.	“Looking for the real thing.” Hoping to meet someone who wants to know me, not a fantasy. I love [Interest] and good food.	Prompt Answer: Use this for prompts like “I want someone who…” or “Green flags I look for…” to set the tone early.

Platform Specificity:

• Grindr scripts are short because attention spans are short there.
• Hinge scripts are softer because the app is designed for dating.
• Jack’d sits in the middle, allowing for a mix of directness and personality.

3 “Green Flags” to Look for in Messages

Once you set your bio, look for these signs that a guy actually reads it and respects you:

1. He references your interests: He asks about the hobby or job you listed, not just your body parts.
2. He talks about himself: Fetishists often hide; genuine guys share who they are because they want a two-way connection.
3. The pace is respectful: He doesn’t demand “BBC” photos immediately but is willing to chat for a bit to establish a vibe.

Conclusion

Being wanted feels good—but it stops when you realise you are only wanted as a caricature or an object of fantasy. True desirability sees the whole person: the laughter, the vulnerabilities, the dreams, and the boundaries. Anything less is just consumption wearing the mask of desire.

Together, we can build gay spaces where Black and Asian men are desired as people, not as porn tropes.

---

Daniel Nkado is a Nigerian writer, editor, and author, best known as the founder of DNB Stories Africa, a digital platform covering Black stories, lifestyle, and queer culture.

References

1. Alexander, M. (2012). The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colourblindness. The New Press. https://thenewpress.com/books/new-jim-crow
2. Callander, D., Holt, M., & Newman, C. E. (2016). ‘Not everyone’s gonna like me’: Accounting for race and racism in sex and dating web services for gay and bisexual men. Ethnicities, 16(1), 3–21. https://doi.org/10.1177/1468796815581428
3. Collins, P. H. (2005). Black sexual politics: African Americans, gender, and the new racism. Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203309506
4. Ferber, A. L. (2007). The Construction of Black Masculinity. Journal of Sport and Social Issues, 31(1), 11–24. https://doi.org/10.1177/0193723506296829
5. Goss, D. F. (2021). Race and masculinity in gay men’s pornography: Deconstructing the big black beast. Routledge. https://www.routledge.com/Race-and-Masculinity-in-Gay-Mens-Pornography-Deconstructing-the-Big-Black-Beast/Goss/p/book/9781032138572
6. Husbands, W., Makoroka, L., Walcott, R., Adam, B. D., George, C., Remis, R. S., & Rourke, S. B. (2013). Black gay men as sexual subjects: race, racialisation and the social relations of sex among Black gay men in Toronto. Culture, Health & Sexuality, 15(3/4), 434–449. https://doi.org/10.2307/23525034
7. Pornhub Insights. (2023). 2023 Year in Review. Pornhub. [Link Not Added]
8. Robinson, B. A. (2015). “Personal Preference” as the New Racism. Sociology of Race and Ethnicity, 1(2), 317–330. https://doi.org/10.1177/2332649214546870
9. Stacey, L., & Forbes, T. D. (2021). Feeling Like a Fetish: Racialised Feelings, Fetishisation, and the Contours of Sexual Racism on Gay Dating Apps. The Journal of Sex Research, 59(3), 1–13. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2021.1979455
10. Rudder, C. (2014). Dataclysm: Who We Are (When We Think No One’s Looking). Crown. https://harpercollins.co.uk/products/dataclysm-who-we-are-when-we-think-no-ones-looking-christian-rudder
11. Wade, R. M., Bouris, A. M., Neilands, T. B., & Harper, G. W. (2021). Racialised Sexual Discrimination (RSD) and Psychological Wellbeing among Young Sexual Minority Black Men (YSMBM) Who Seek Intimate Partners Online. Sexuality Research and Social Policy. https://doi.org/10.1007/s13178-021-00676-6

Dear Gay Men in 2025: You are not a Top, or a Bottom, or a Label

Gay Men and the Pressure of Managing Reputation Within the Community