Meremere N’ihu – Kwampiti N’azu is an old Igbo adage. It literally translates to “Soft in the front – war at the back”.
Other metaphorical speculations exist, but in Igbo land, this saying is used to describe the deceptive behaviour of some people who appear friendly or caring in one’s front while sabotaging them in secret. A basic way of putting it is – “A friend in the front and an enemy at the back!”
Communication and language are one of the basic pillars of culture, and the Igbo culture emphasises openness and honesty in one’s feelings and dealings. Deception is strongly shunned at and when one who is a known friend or associate of another is seen trying to sabotage them or doing something not expected of a friend, this behaviour is considered so appalling and cowardly that even a true enemy of the victim would refuse to deal with the deceptive friend. For if a friend has agreed to sell me their friend, what assurance do I have that they would spare me when the time comes? Dealing with a treacherous person, no matter the side you are on, is a risky venture.
In situations of disagreement that cause a grievance, the parties involved are always expected to communicate with each other about their feelings as soon and as openly as they can.
One must not greet or accept the greeting of a person they are not happy with. The bitter person can say something like “Ekele nam – Do not greet me” or may simply hiss and face another direction. In most cases, this is an easy way of communicating one’s bitterness or grievance against another. If one party does not have a clue, they can immediately ask – “Ogini?” or “Onwere?”. Or sometimes they would go home and consult their family members, seeking if anyone knows the reason a particular person may have acted that way.
If they already know, they will tell the friend, “Omaka ihe ahu? – Is it because of that issue?”
This creates a platform or chain of actions that would eventually lead to both parties coming together to discuss their difference(s) and ways to settle and become cordial again. Most disputes are settled this way. On very rare occasions, all attempts to settle the dispute between the two parties go unsuccessful, and they end up lifelong enemies. But this situation is often known and open, and nobody pretends to be one’s friend when they are truly not.
The concept of saboteurs was used even during the Biafran War to describe persons and families who secretly did things that sabotaged the victory of the Igbos.
Friendships are marked by honour. One of the most spoken Igbo proverbs goes: “Ezi enyi ka ajo nwanne – A good friend is better than a bad sibling”. With friendships, even an outcast can build families, and the betrayal of a friend is an abomination to the gods and is deemed unforgivable. This holds true no matter the magnitude of the offence in question – even if the act of betrayal is just a roadside gossip. The story of this abomination is passed down generations so that even children of children know, remember and tell it.
Many popular Igbo musicians have sung about this – most notably, the songs by popular Igbo highlife musician Sir Erico and His Hyque Music of Africa titled “Enyi Mere Enyi”; and another by Igbo gospel musician Uyo Ibem titled “Enyi Mere Enyi Ya”.
It is said that “Ihe enyi mere enyi ya bu ngaa jidelu m”, which means that the punishment for betraying a friend comes quickly.
For a friend has seen the nakedness of his friend (weakness) and must never reveal it in public!
