by Staff writer
We got this on Friday through our contact form. The sender wants to be anonymous. Please read and provide mature counsel.
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I have never had to doubt my love for my husband. Even before we met, I used to pray for a man like him.
Well, not entirely him—so to speak — but he came really close.
There are only very few things in the man I used to pray for that my husband didn’t possess, and these things were of minor relevance.
I am not saying I have a perfect marriage [I do not even think there is anything like that], but my marriage is good.
And I am happy in it.
But recently, some events have started to get me worried. Very worried.
Though a part of me keep maintaining I have absolutely no reason to worry, that it is not like I’m guilty of anything, yet another part is constantly pricking me.
And that’s why I’ve decided to share this story and seek mature counsel.
Like my husband, I work in a financial institution. Though he is quite senior, and in a more respected firm.
I am one of over a thousand staff recently absorbed after my former place got acquired.
Since the move some months back, I have been working with this guy.
We were not friends. We shared nothing more than the casual ‘good mornings’ of co-workers, and sometimes attend meetings together.
I would say our friendship [if I will call it that] started the day he helped rectify a mistake in a withdrawal.
I would say he saved me that day.
That was the day we exchanged numbers. We left the office together and he needed to be sure that I got home safe.
Quite caring of him, if you ask me.
From there, we started chatting on Whatsapp Messenger. He will say funny things that I always laugh to.
He can be quite funny. He has a way of making a joke out of anything.
Even at work, he will make a face and I will laugh. It was that easy for him to make me laugh.
The funny thing is that it seems it is just the two of us always sharing and enjoying the jokes.
At a time, I began to find myself always comparing him to my husband. In my mind though.
I would be wishing my husband was as funny as he is, [my husband is not funny at all] or that he could get his kind of haircut, or is as tall as him.
His presence makes me notice things that I hardly noticed before in my marriage and this is kind of awkward.
I feel I am giving him too much attention for a married lady.
I now change my Whatsapp pictures very often, also always updating my status. Before, I used to have one picture there for months and I don’t even change my status at all.
He made my phone fun again. If I am not reading Linda’s blog or DNB Stories, then I must be chatting with him. I actually enjoy chatting with him.
I tell him things I can’t tell my husband. You know all those playful talks. He can be quite playful.
My husband has asked me once who I am laughing with on the phone and I told him it was just a colleague from work cracking me up.
He might think that it is a female colleague.
So my question is, for a married woman, is this kind of relationship normal to keep?
Note that there is nothing sexual about the relationship at all for now. I just fear that we are becoming too close and I, too dependent on him for laughter.
I want to be getting everything I want from my husband.
Even though I know this is not possible, but I don’t want anything that will be giving me guilty feelings.
How risky is this thing with my male colleague?
Mature advice please.
Very risky my dear. U need to stop the comparing nd detach urself from such friendship so as not to go too far. Believe me, u won't know how it happened until it's ova, and I mean the sex here. Be wise nd go back to being colleagues cos as I see it, u r already going too far. U needed attention nd u r getting nd really enjoying it from someone dat isn't ur husband. Pls be wise to avoid the danger at the nearest bend.
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My dear sister, you're on the unmistakeable journey to marital infidelity, and from your write-up, you already know it. You're already getting more and more discontented with your husband and your marriage (which is a very very dangerous symptom), comparing your husband to him and finding your husband wanting on most counts. You already crave this other guy's attention, evidenced by your changing attitude on whatsapp and, I'm sure, in many other ways. Believe me, you're getting closer to infidelity with every seemingly-harmless chat, glance or what-have-you you have with this guy. And he's leading you on cos he knows what's developing between you two and he wants it, he wants to take advantage of it. I can say this because I've sadly walked this road before. First of all, it's not entirely your fault: you're human and this guy obviously is what you want in a man. Maybe if you had met him before you married your husband, you would have had a chance to switch, but it's too late now. You must respect the vows and responsibility of your marriage. What you do now depends on how much your marriage means to you. You can continue this "harmless" courting you're doing with this guy, or you can take firm measures to nip it in the bud right now. NOW is the time if you must act. Not only should you distance yourself from this guy (by stopping communications on phone, at work, wherever), you should also come out blunt with him! Tell him you're married and your closeness is quite inappropriate, for Christ's sake. Once you tell him, believe me, he'll step back. This'll also make it easier for you to retrace your steps. Then strive to create these things you fell for in your own marriage as much as possible. Marriage is hardwork, you work every single day on it to make it what you want. Do everything you can. EVERYTHING. And flee from that guy; you can even officially ask to be moved to another branch, or resign! (Yes, I know someone who did that!) Remember, it depends on how much your marriage means to you. Let me end my long talk by reminding you that when you sleep with this guy eventually if you continue what you're doing now, you will most likely suddenly dislike or hate him cos of guilt (remember I said I've been in your shoes before), and then you'd live with that burden of guilt, shame and regrets for the rest of your life. Then what if your husband finds out? Or you get pregnant for him? Or contract HIV or Hepatitis B? These things can't be undone! You'd realize it all wasn't worth it at the end. Don't find out by making the mistake first, foresee it and avoid it. Please make the right choice and do the right thing…
Anonymous 12.53 had said it all. U may think it's a harmless rship but av u asked urself what d guy in question thinks? Men can be very cunny, so pls don't allow d devil to sow a seed of discord in ur marriage. Regret always come at d end or had I know, so pls avoid him, tell him plainly n pray too. I wish u well.
Na from clap dance the start.
LMAO! Michie girl, you are funny.
But lemme ask, so a married woman cannot keep a a male friend? I mean just a friend, dont think there is nothing wrong in that. she said her husband cannot make her laugh, she can keep the guy as a source of entertainment.
The guy already knows she is married so he should know he cannot get more.
This is even longer than the whole story itself. Shoo. This is overdose na.
D relationship is odikwa risky. CODE RED
RUN AWAY FAST.
create plenty space
if,possible,sef ask for a transfer to,anoda dept/ branch
I,did to share my story too. Kinda of related
True talk about "clap and dance" – she is playing with fire…..
Uncle Nat, on issues that bother on the heart, a one or two line advice can't cut it o
I read all comments before i comment, but this annon,no way,if only you will write and send your own story,then i will read! Poster, my take on this is,you already know the truth; You are falling helplessly to this man! You are just a step away from committing adultery.For the sake of the trust you have for your hubby, RUN RUN RUN!
@ Victor,keeping an opposite sex as friend is not healthy at all.there is a saying that goes this way;Hawk/Kite can never shop in the same market with hen/chicken, you know what will be the result. She can employ Helen Paul or Eniola Badmos to be cracking her up!
LOL!
Uhmmmmmmm….. Any woman that is taken should not go anywhere close to the opposite sex. It is really dangerous, VERY dangerous. When the "deed" happens the guy would be sorry and you will be sorry too. It is well oooo
Ma, the truth is that you are fallen for him already and you are in a dilemna. Take a deep breath and relax now think about your journey so far, your marriage,your home,your husband, your world, your children and every other thing related to you. Flee! Without taking a look at your heels if possible resign seek a counsellor and move closer to God and if there are characters you would like your husband to exhibit or improve upon let him know but comparison. Datz outta the question
My sister run ooooo….pack ya slippers and run oooo! The devil is very subtle o. The next thing you know is that you're under him. You regret it the first time and then you cannot stop. Then your hubby finds out bcos one of your colleagues will notice and send your hubby an anonymous msg and then you're divorced and then your sugar boy will leave you bcos the thrill will no more be there.
The End!
Thanks for your advice all. I have made my decision.
Its my home first before any other thing.
I really appreciate the warm advice. I know I will get genuine help here
From d way d story went i u opening ur legs sooner or later if u dont take precautionary steps by telling d guy u married n u cant b friends with him
Comment like post…i fear. Like David said, RUNNNNNNN
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