Daniel Nkado: The Thing About Beauty

by Daniel Nkado

So someone asked me: I am ugly, how do I get out more?

How do I get anyone to like me?

To cut off all avenues for me to sweet-talk (she claimed I almost always tend to), she added: “Please don’t talk to me about inner beauty. I know that I am ugly and I feel it in and out.”

But for the seriousness of her tone, I would have smiled then — that way I often did when hit by both amusement and understanding.

I promised her I will give her an answer on the blog and finally here is what I have to say:

This is a quote from one of my stories:

“No one is ever ugly because their skin is black or white; you are only ugly because you think you are. Why not start to think you are beautiful from today and see the whole world turn around for you!”

The thing is there is always going to be something about us that we might not feel so proud of.

But as much as this is true, there is also always something about us that is unique, rare, special, beautiful.

You have to stop focusing on the ugly sides of you and bring more visibility to these special qualities that you have and finally come to call them what they truly are: Blessings.

The way the world works there is always going to be someone who will feel drawn to you, who will always come around and buy your market [for whatever reason no one can explain, not even they themselves].

And that’s the way beauty works:

No matter how attractive or ‘hot’ you are there is never a time you are going to have all the fish in the ocean in your net.

It never happens. I hope you —the person feeling ugly— do eventually realize that anybody who doesn’t like you, just doesn’t like you.

And there is hardly anything you can do to change that situation. Nor is it any of your business to even be bothered.

What you can do, however, is re-channeling all that energy you use in seeking validation from these other-level folks towards those that find you awesome. However few they may be.

And eventually you are going to see yourself feel on top of the world.

In my book Entangled I wrote that beauty is only a state of mind.

More or less, it is just an opinion. And by now I hope you already know how complex the process that produces opinions are.

It defies scientific explanation.

So next time someone calls you ugly, you just smile and say to them: “Your opinion does not matter!”

Because then, deep within, you’ve discovered that special thing about you that you cannot trade for anything else in the world.

And so long as you remain loving yourself, you will begin to realize how very insignificant people’s opinions about you actually are.