“A Secret That I Have Never Told Anyone”

by Miss Anonymous

I am Indian.

Once, I saw my mom almost have sex with another man when I was really young. She doesn’t know that I saw her.

They only stopped because I was still in the house.

My parents do not have the best relationship. They fight a lot and for small reasons. But their fights are really big and sometimes my dad hits my mom to literally stop her from turning into a hulk.

It was an arranged marriage.

When I was 2 years old, they had a really big fight and my mom took me and went to her mother’s place without telling him.

My grandmother had to literally beg my dad to take us back. I came to know about this in 10th grade.

Apparently they didn’t want to have me either; I was an unplanned mistake. They didn’t tell me that, but I got to know anyway.

I remember the biggest fight though, it was before I caught my mom cheating.

My mom threatened my dad that she would jump off a bridge and take me with her. She grabbed my hand and we were almost out of the door when my dad stopped us.

I didn’t know what was going on. I remember sleeping next to my mom, silently crying. My mom then just said: “Why are you crying? This is my shitty life.”

After a couple of days, my dad went to work and this guy came into our house.

My mom told me to go and play in the living room.

They went inside and I slowly hid behind the wall to see what they were doing.

That’s when I saw them. Almost having sex!

I couldn’t believe it.

I heard my mom say to the guy: “He is not home, but my daughter is. Next time, maybe.”

I remember this one incident triggered my depression.

I had a dollhouse that I made under a desk that my mom places her computer on.

We lived in a very small apartment. And by small, I meant imagine your idea of small and then go a little smaller.

My mom always fought with my dad on how poor we were to live in such a place.

So that dollhouse was my everything. I loved it to bits because I made it on my own.

One day, they were fighting about the apartment and my mom got so angry that she kicked the dollhouse and went outside to throw it away.

My childhood was depressing as f*ck!

My dad had to work a lot to provide for us and my mom is always asking for more. She always blames my dad for everything and picks fights always.

She used to physically abuse me till I was in 10th grade. I went into severe depression because of that and wrote about wanting to die.

She read them and stopped the physical abuse, but she never talked about my depression.

She always tells my dad that I am worthless and a disappointment. That hurts even more .

Fast forward to two years later, my dad is disappointed in me because of my JEE results. I couldn’t score good marks in any exam that I have written so far.

My mom is constantly reminding me that I am a failure.

I stopped talking to my friends because the last person I told about my problems made it worse.

This is just my life.

And, oh, I am also a bisexual Indian girl.

And these are the secrets that I never told anyone.