My stepfather is one of the worst humans I know in my life.
He is emotionally and verbally abusive to my mother, myself, and my other siblings.
He has no job (hasn’t had one for almost 2 decades now) and doesn’t help at all around the house with cooking, cleaning etc.
Instead, he spends all day – from the moment he wakes up – drinking alcohol and just watching TV.
By the time any of us gets home he is very drunk and this is when he would start as many arguments as he can, over virtually anything.
Because of his abuse, my mother would mostly take his side during an argument, trying to ‘keep peace’ out of fear of him shouting and screaming at her too.
But it wasn’t always like this (with me anyway).
When I was younger, he was always very nice to me. Always praising and complimenting me and letting me play outside and on the computer. I seemed to be his favourite out of all my mother’s children. As he didn’t work he was home all the time during holidays and each time I got back from school.
During one of these days, he came into the bathroom whilst I was having a bath and caught me masturbating.
Instead of walking out of the room and ignoring it (or whatever grown men should do) he stayed, watched, and encouraged me.
From then on, whenever I had a bath he would come into the room and watch and encourage me to touch myself.
After that, he started putting on porn whenever my mother was out, and he would ask me to watch it with him whilst encouraging me to touch myself.
At that time, I didn’t realize what was happening was wrong. He always asked me to keep it secret and it didn’t happen for too long, so I kind of forgot about it.
As I grew older into my late teenage years I realized what had happened was incredibly wrong, but I never had the courage to tell anyone as I believe my mother would choose his side over mine.
I regret never saying anything as a child then. Maybe, if I had, my teenage years would have been different.
To this day I haven’t told a soul about this.
It makes me cry every time I think about it, and every time I see him I can’t stop thinking about it.
This will probably be a secret I keep forever.