by Cristofer Jeschke
I was in a relationship with someone for almost three years when I found out she was cheating on me.
It was devastating. I got over her in the strangest way, but it’s a bit of a long story, so bear with me.
It all started with me being sad and heartbroken. I had two bosses at the time and when they found out what had happened they were upset with me because I didn’t tell them and it had been affecting my performance.
One of them yelled at me, “You know what your f*cking problem is? You don’t have any balls!”
Then they went on to tell me how another co-worker of mine’s father had just died suddenly and how my problems weren’t much in comparison.
While I agreed that what had happened to her was tragic, I was still upset. And the comment about my lack of balls made me angry. But that was the key. Now I wasn’t just sad; I was also angry.
Over the course of the next few days I went out and got a motorcycle license (my ex hadn’t wanted to me to have a motorcycle).
The day I finished the course and passed the exam, I bought my first motorcycle, a 2002 Kawasaki Ninja 500.
When I was riding it, I felt a bit better.
But when I was alone, I’d still get sad and upset. I’d question myself and my worth, I’d feel guilty about what I must have done wrong, etc. It was still horrible.
Then I met a random girl at a motorcycle gear store. She was beautiful and nice and just fun to talk to.
I went there several times just to flirt with her. This started making me feel better because it was getting my attention off the girl who had cheated on me.
Then, I decided the bike I had wasn’t fast enough.
I got another one, this one was a 2014 Yamaha FZ-09. It was a 3 cylinder naked sport bike with an 850cc engine and a whole lot of horsepower.
At this point I was still angry, but feeling a little excited about this new girl, though still sad about the ex.
It was a weird time for me. I found that when I was riding the new bike at questionable speeds, splitting lanes, weaving through cars, ducking under mirrors and a whole host of other crazy things, I felt better.
It was impossible to think about anything else other than surviving from one moment to the next.
For the first time in years, when I was riding, I felt free. The relationship hadn’t been a very positive one, and I had been deteriorating for a long time before the cheating ever happened.
The craziness came to a climax when the new girl and I (turns out she also worked in a nightclub) went out together several times, stayed out all night, hung out in her car, hiked up random hills in the middle of the night, etc.
One night I was on my way home and I decided to see what my bike could really do. I gunned the throttle like there was no tomorrow and held it there.
For a few minutes I felt so alive and it seemed like everything was going to be okay. Then, I noticed the light.
There was a bright light that made it seem like someone was tailgating me. But I knew that wasn’t possible. This caused me to look around and finally up. That’s when I saw the helicopter and the spotlight shining down on me.
I almost crashed, I was so shocked. It was like something straight out of an action movie. I started panicking. I’ve never been that terrified in my life.
In the interest of keeping this story to an acceptable length, I’ll just say, I didn’t end up getting arrested, or even getting a ticket (and no, I didn’t try to run either).
I made it back home, parked my bike and fell asleep.
I woke up the next day and headed to work.
I felt better.
In fact, I hadn’t felt that good in years.
In those four weeks, I learned so much about myself and it changed everything. I learned that I did have balls. I could do crazy things, I could get a random (beautiful) girl to be attracted to me, I could stay out all night and get chased by a helicopter, I could live without thinking about consequences, and most importantly, I didn’t have to anymore.
I’m not saying you should go out and buy a motorcycle and date a rebound, not advising you to, but I’m also not saying you shouldn’t.
I think that having crazy experiences is what allows us to appreciate sanity, and I think that never living extremes doesn’t allow for a good understanding of life.
During that short period of extreme riding, I had more near-death experiences than most people have during their entire lives. They made me appreciate being alive more than anything else could.
I think the best way to get over someone is by doing something you never would have done before.
Be angry, be upset, but use these emotions and channel them to learn something new about yourself.
Further note—I couldn’t just delete the ex from my life.
I worked with her. I had to see her every single day. I had to interact with her and be friendly and pretend nothing had happened.
So no, deleting someone from your life and pretending they don’t exist isn’t the only way to get over someone.
It’s a much harder way too, in my opinion.
Cristofer Jeschke is a published writer and photographer.
He writes about art, marketing, social media and personal growth.
His passion is leveraging writing and photography to help others.