by Kiara Bay
I am breaking up with my boyfriend.
He is pretty damn close to be the perfect guy. He is kind, sweet, funny, a real charmer—essentially, everything that I could have wanted in a guy, right down to a pair of amazing cheekbones.
And here’s the thing: we meshed so well. Constantly laughing, cuddling, playing video games, and tangling up the sheets.
We had a total blast.
There’s a vast misconception in this world, thanks to the good ol’ romantic comedy industry, that those who do the dumping are cold, heartless, and ready to run around and make out with anything that moves as soon as they kick their SO (significant other) to the curb.
Maybe that’s the case for some. But often—at least, for me—nothing could be farther from the truth.
I have a lot of feelings and thoughts that don’t seem to make any sense to me whatsoever.
I feel like a criminal, because it feels like I’m stabbing my best friend and partner in the back after so many promises. I feel intense loneliness, because I’m losing one of my closest companions, the one to whom I texted “good morning” and “good night” every single day.
I feel distraught, because I keep being reminded of it all by a song on the radio, or a bench I ate lunch on together, or a little trinket he gave me that I found behind my bed.
And in the midst of all this, I keep getting the intense urge to text him about it, because he was always the one who would wipe away my tears.
It’s like reliving the break-up over and over again.
All of this is gut-wrenching, to the point where I feel crippling doubt on top of it all, because how could the right decision possibly make me feel like I want to lay in bed all day with my head under the covers?
Here is the thing:
I am going to college in August, it is very far from home (almost 15 hours away).
My boyfriend has never been that happy about it and of course I understand him. Lately we have been discussing about the possibility of having a long-distance relationship but we both agreed it wouldn’t work.
We couldn’t find a good-enough solution and I did not want to delay the inevitable, so I put my hands to my chest and we called it quits!
You can find Kiara on YouTube as Kiara Bay.