I wish I never had children – My Life Story

by Marcia Long

When I turned 28, I decided I wanted a child. So I got married and had a child.

My daughter was precocious from an early age. She was never happy with anything, wanted to control all situations. Didn’t like anyone, complained about everything, and everyone.

When she was 3, I divorced her father. He was alright, but we had our issues. I didn’t date for 4 years and when she was 8 I dated a bit and married a nice man.

But my daughter hated him from the start and spent years doing very nasty and hateful things to us. When she was about 16 she told me that she was very busy trying to break us up.

I told my second husband I already had a kid and didn’t want anymore, but he really wanted children. And so we had two more.

My second child was a boy. Very smart, and more than a bit of a devil. He spoke and walked early, and got into so much trouble.

He stole money from us all the time, used our credit cards to buy very expensive games, and a bike. He broke stuff, and complained that we didn’t buy him good enough toys or electronics. And I mean he brought this up every day. I mean every single day.

He spent his junior year excelling in skipping out of school, and breaking in our house during the day. Literally breaking doors and windows to get in. He even tried to get us in trouble with the C.P.S (Child Protective Services).

He used foul names on us, calling me a “c__t” and my husband a “dips__t”.

We finally called the police on him, then had to spend $3,000 in legal fees to represent the son we wanted to have placed in jail.

In fact we had the police at our home several times. They knew our names and our house.

Then I had a third child who is an absolute charm. She has special needs, and is always happy and very sweet. In some ways she’s behind her peers, in others, she’s ahead of them.

She is always thoughtful and considerate. We raised her just the same as the other two, except we have had to do a lot more to help her educationally.

We think she will be able to care for herself when she’s old enough. You know, get an apartment, a job, cook, etc.

My oldest doesn’t talk to me anymore, and I actually like her. She’s funny. My son will be moving out soon, so we will see if our relationship gets any better.

But my last child, she’s a doll. Wish she’d been twins.

When our friends are bragging about how great their kids are doing we tell them that’s great. But we don’t talk about our kids. I had once had a job for several months before any of my co-workers knew I had kids.

We don’t complain to others about our kids. We don’t have friends over because it’ll be weird. We have no social life, and we spent tons of hours and money in therapy, on medication, etc.

I look at every thing I do in life on a chart. If I like something the ratings are high, but when things are hard the ratings go down. When the ratings go below the chart line and never go back up, it’s just so useless.

I love all my children but they have all broken my heart, over and over and over.

I wish I’d never had children. If I could do my life over again, I wouldn’t have children.

Unless it’s the last one, and I’d probably have her again!

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Marcia Long holds a B.A. from The University of Texas in San Antonio.