The talking stage, once a key part of Nigerian dating, seems to be losing its spark. To understand why this phase might be fading, I asked some young Nigerians to share their thoughts, and their responses were both revealing and funny.
Josh, 31, shared his perspective:
“What are you people even talking about? Most girls use it to bill guys, and that’s why some men don’t really fancy long talking stages. A woman that actually likes you won’t wait for weeks or months to accept your proposal.”
Mmesoma, 22, had a different take:
“There are too many boring and stingy guys in the dating scene now. They will use ‘What’s your favorite color’ and ‘Please eat for me or else I’ll be angry’ to finish you. The moment you ask for a small favor, they ghost you. These guys just want to enjoy boyfriend benefits without committing properly.”
Dr. Nneoma Amah, a relationship expert, offered an expert analysis:
“Prolonged talking stages often lead to a waste of time and emotional exhaustion. Many Nigerians now prefer quicker approaches to forming relationships, which is driving the shift away from the talking stage.”
Their responses reveal two major issues with the talking stage in Nigerian dating today: for some men, it feels like a financial drain without guaranteed commitment, while for some women, it’s marred by boring conversations and poor effort. Meanwhile, Dr. Nneoma’s insight confirms that more Nigerians now prefer early clarity and quick connections over long, uncertain phases.
For those unfamiliar with the term, the talking stage in a relationship is the pre-dating phase when two people get to know each other without official labels. While it doesn’t always lead to a formal relationship, it helps people share experiences, build connections, and figure out if they’re compatible.
Back in the day, it could stretch on for months, full of butterflies, sweet good morning texts, and those late-night calls that make you forget you have work in the morning. But today, the Nigerian dating scene has changed. It feels like no one has the patience for long talking stages anymore. So, why exactly is the talking stage losing its spark in Nigerian dating – and what’s replacing it?
6 reasons the talking stage is dying in Nigerian dating
Here’s why talking stages are slowly becoming a thing of the past in the Nigerian dating scene:
1. Zero tolerance for time wasters
Many Nigerians have realized how emotionally draining long talking stages can be, and they’re no longer interested in the emotional rollercoaster. Why spend months in a talking stage when you can quickly move on if someone isn’t matching your energy? In today’s fast-paced dating scene, people value clarity and commitment from the start. If the person isn’t showing genuine interest within the first few days, most people, especially Gen-Zers, will prioritize their mental health and move on.
2. Too many options
Dating apps have completely changed the traditional dating process. In the past, you would spot someone you liked, exchange numbers, and gradually build a connection. But with the rise of dating apps in Nigeria like Tinder and Badoo, the game has changed. Now, people have endless options at their fingertips, making it harder to invest in a single talking stage. If someone isn’t giving the right vibes, it’s a quick swipe left and on to the next.
3. Fear of “breakfast” (heartbreak)
Heartbreak is tough, and nobody wants to go through it repeatedly. Many Nigerians now approach dating with caution, avoiding deep emotional investments unless they’re sure it’s heading somewhere meaningful. If a potential partner doesn’t show commitment early, many will cut their losses and walk away before they “chop breakfast.” It’s like a defense mechanism – better to walk away early than risk heartbreak after months of a fruitless talking stage.
4. Too much “billing” (financial pressure)
Another reason the talking stage is dying in Nigerian dating is the growing “billing” culture. You must have heard stories of people asking for financial support just a couple of days into the talking stage. While some don’t mind spending on their partner, many find it draining, especially when the relationship status is unclear.
5. Fading conversations
The art of meaningful conversation is slowly fading. Back in the day, long phone calls and deep conversations were a core part of the talking stage. I still remember the 2go era when I met my first love – we would spend hours talking about everything from music to future dreams. But today, conversations often feel shallow. The lack of engaging conversation makes it hard for some people to stay interested in the talking stage.
6. Social media pressure
Social media has added an extra layer of pressure to modern dating. Thanks to Facebook, Instagram and TikTok, some young Nigerians feel the need to showcase their relationships online. They rush to “make it official” without building a solid foundation. The pressure to keep up with #CoupleGoals partly contributes to why talking stages are fading in the Nigerian dating scene.
What’s replacing the talking stage in Nigerian dating
More Nigerians are now opting for quicker and more direct connections. Here are the trends:
1. Direct dating
Instead of spending weeks or months getting to know someone, many Nigerians now jump straight into dating. They state their intentions within the first few days, figure out if they’re on the same page, and either move forward or move on. This approach is replacing the talking stage for those who want clarity from the start, even though it might miss the depth that comes with gradual bonding.
2. Situationships
Situationships are romantic relationships without clear commitment. This dynamic appeals to those who prefer to keep things light with no need for constant check-ins or deep conversations. However, it can sometimes lead to unequal emotional investment or blurred boundaries.
3. Friends with benefits (FWB)
Some people now prefer casual sexual interactions with friends, skipping the dating process entirely. Friends with benefits are similar to situationships but with a clearer focus on physical intimacy with little or no emotional attachment.
4. Flings and casual hookups
With the rise of dating apps, many people are skipping the talking stage and going for flings or hookups. These quick, physical connections don’t require deep conversations or emotional buildup. For some, it’s easier and more convenient, but it may lack the foundation needed for something lasting.
While the talking stage might be fading in the Nigerian dating scene, some people still value it for building genuine connections. However, it shouldn’t drag on for too long. Ideally, the talking stage could last a few weeks to a few months, depending on individual preferences. Building connections is an ongoing journey that transcends the pre-dating phase – you can’t have everything figured out from the start. Above all, prioritize your emotional well-being and choose what works best for you.
