by Alison Whitmire
In my thirties, I made four big mistakes.
Mistake #1: I took getting pregnant for granted.
About the time I was ready to start trying, a great career opportunity came up. And you can’t just get pregnant right after taking a new job, right? At least that’s what I thought.
By the time I started focusing on getting pregnant, I couldn’t. I was slow, investigating the means of assistance.
Finally, after trying a variety of things, I got pregnant, then miscarried (no one tells you how hard that can be) and a year later I got pregnant again and then I made Mistake #2 which I may never forgive myself for.
Mistake #2: I thought that because I was in good shape, I could run through my pregnancy.
At 23 weeks, my water broke while I was running. (23 weeks is a tipping point in viability and once your water breaks, you have to deliver.)
Mistake #3: I didn’t fight for my baby.
My husband and I didn’t know what to do and I’m not sure we got good advice.
We were told the baby would not be viable.
They gave me morphine during delivery. I don’t remember much of what happened after that. I don’t know exactly what happened to the baby.
It was just taken away. I felt guilty and sad and ashamed and I still do.
Mistake #4: I turned away from my husband instead of towards him.
I was racked with pain and guilt and didn’t know how to cope with it.
So, I separated myself from him (a man I loved and still do) and we divorced.
And then I turned 40.
And things got better.
I’d like to say I made fewer mistakes but I’m not sure that’s true. Perhaps I just made different ones.
In my forties, I remarried and had a baby (at 43) and now we have an amazing family of 3.
Did I have to go through all that to get to this?