I don’t know the best way to put this into words, because I really haven’t talked to anyone about it.
I’m a straight guy in my early 20s and ever since I can remember I’ve craved hugs from my male friends. Not all of them, just the ones I truly connect with.
It’s so hard to sum up why.
It’s not any sexual at all, but it’s entirely emotional.
When a good friend, one who I connect with not just mentally but also emotionally, hugs me, it’s like magic. Nothing to be compared to when embraced by a woman.
There is this sudden and strange feeling of safety. Even though I’ve been on high alert, never at rest, constantly on the move and battling life’s challenges, and under perpetual stress, but in that moment when I’m hugged, nothing else matters.
I’m warm, and safe, and finally at rest, in the embrace of a friend who really cares and doesn’t want anything else from me in that moment.
And I feel loved and accepted on a level that kind of defies description.
Maybe the best way to describe it is I feel secure in my friendship and my friend’s affection for me.
To be totally honest, I don’t just want a hug, it’s like I want to be held.
But I can never talk about it. I used to have a friend who could tell just by looking at me when I needed a hug like that and would pull me in for one, no questions asked, but he’s gone now, and I’ve got a feeling most other straight guys don’t really feel the same way, or wouldn’t even understand what I’m saying.
Maybe I’ve got a loose screw somewhere.
I don’t know.
It’s just kind of seems lonely feeling this way.