by Valkyrie Rae
It was horrible.
I woke up at 3 am with a terrible back pain, thinking, “Oh, I must’ve pulled a muscle or something”.
So for some reason I thought if I took a shower it’d make it feel better.
I was on the toilet for like 45 minutes. It was disgusting!
After my shower, the pains just got worse and worse until I finally realized I was in labor.
The hospital I was supposed to give birth in was 55 minutes away and I spent the car ride crying after every speed bump and constantly trying to sit a certain way so I don’t feel the pain.
When I got to the hospital, I couldn’t walk, and I found out I was about 6 cm dilated.
The nurses put the ultrasound things on me and told me to keep still, like my spine wasn’t trying to dislocate itself.
I asked for an epidural (a type of anesthetic, used especially during childbirth to produce loss of sensation below the waist) and they told me they’d give me one. They never did.
They kept asking me to sign papers, asking me questions after questions.
I would just nod or shake my head because at that point it hurt to even breathe (I was around 8 cm now).
Finally, a doctor came in and told me that from the ultrasound, I wouldn’t be able to have a natural birth without my daughter’s shoulder breaking my pelvic bone.
So they told me they needed to do an emergency C-section.
I was heartbroken! I went through my entire labor just to have someone pull my baby out of my stomach.
I got the spinal anesthetic during a contraction and I think I broke the nurse’s collarbone while trying to keep still.
I felt so bad.
My water broke right before they started the procedure.
But once the medicine kicked in, I swear it was like euphoria.
I was on cloud nine.
No pain again, and then I heard the tiny little cries from my massive baby: Everyone thought she’d be 7–8lbs. She turned out a whopping 9.8lbs!
As soon as she was put on my chest, I forgot about the fact that my organs were being rearranged. I carried her.
I made her, and I birthed her, god dam*it.
Some women really feel bad that they have to get C-sections, they feel like they weren’t strong enough to birth a baby the natural way.
But in my opinion, if the baby came out of you, you birthed her.
Don’t let anybody tell you anything different!
And besides, who cares how much labor hurts?
Or how crazy the recovery period is? All that mattered to me was that I was holding the greatest gift and creation I will ever receive.
My beautiful, wonderful daughter!