by James Nelson
For those that don’t go to the gym yet, you are really missing the lifestyle gist of your life.
The gym is like a busy market of different people and personalities, from the young and vain to the old and confused…you will find them all at the gym.
Here are 13 categories of people you will find at every standard gym:
1. The New Moms
The women that just gave birth. To these set of ladies belly fat is their primary focus. They want to be slim by fire by force, so they can go on Instagram and post Mother of 1, Mother of 2 and be feeling sexy! They put so much effort in the workouts. To them, it’s a do or die affair. If you see them working out, you will know immediately. They don’t play at all and can even use more than one trainer at a time.
2. The Sweet Madams
These group comprises middle-aged women in their 40s and 50s. They want to get the perfect body so they can easily lie about their age and people will believe them. They always look out for young boys and talk and chat with them, advertising their sugar mommy potential.
3. The Bouncers
These are the bouncers and security personnel workers. To them, gyming is a full-time job. They come in the morning and train till evening, neither chatting or laughing with anybody.
4. The protein shake drinkers
These are mostly seamless bank staff with low self esteem, thinking once they build up, girls will start rushing them. They want to achieve the greatest results in the shortest possible amount of time so they start mixing and taking all sorts of shakes and supplements. They will do one program and go and drink their protein shake.
5. The fashionistas
These ones are always decked up head to toe in Nike or Adidas. They have all the sportswear collections from the top brands and always dress to match. Even their socks is Nike! They will even wear Apple watch.
6. The other plan guys
These are the ones that just paid gym money so they can have a place to come and bathe and dress up and then go to work. These ones just come in with their clothes, say hi and hello to Joy at the front desk, buy water and enter the locker room. Next thing they’ve showered, dressed up and ready to leave. They cannot come and die. I even heard they sleep in their cars at night before coming to the gym to bathe and prepare for work.
7. The gym prefects
These one feel they own the gym and are stakeholders in every thing going on. Every little thing they are telling you how they have been coming to the gym since 15 years ago. They offer unsolicited advice recklessly and sneer at people not doing things their way. They talk to all the gym staff like they employed them.
8. The newcomers
This is how you know this group — they come in, run to treadmill and do 5 minutes and then enter the locker room to take mirror selfies. They are always snapping and posting, so people can know they have started gyming. You also know them at the aerobic floor; they usually don’t get the routines on time. They want to touch and try everything on their first day and sometimes will go and lift a weight too big for their generation to handle only to start screaming for help.
9. The sharp girls
These are the girls they came for the guys. They have heard celebrities and politician kids come to the gym so they dress up and come to try their luck. You will easily know them from the seductive and fancy way they dress. Most times, they are even already fit, looking like models. They come and start telling you how they are only trying to trim down or maintain their shape. Na so! They don’t miss any opportunity to make the boys notice them. They go to where guys are working out and attempt to do the same thing so the guys can assist them.
10. The spoilt kids
These ones are usually fresh rich guys that always come in with their airpods and iPhone X. They are often chubby and are very calm and reserved. They start sweating immediately they enter the gym. Even the sight of people lifting heavy weights scares them. Soon their mom or dad or dog will come and pick them up and that’s the end, till the next week.
11. The business people
These are the ones that turn the gym into a physical Linkedin. You see them talking about the stock market and equities in the locker room. It’s like they just want to sound smart and let everyone know they are in investment banking, or they are bank marketers looking for clients. The gym usually goes quiet when they start discussing.
12. The sweet boys
These ones stay in V.I and Ikoyi, or Lekki Phase 1 at the most. They don’t even go near the locker room after workout. Their gym routine is timed and organized and once they are done they drive back home. They are usually fit with a distinct UK or US accent. They go home to tie white towel and snap in front of their own mirror with their tattoos showing.
13. The unbothered
This is the category I belong to. We just can’t be bothered. We have discovered the people we are looking for are in Eko Hotel gym where the fee is ₦1 million per person. We just come to sweat and bathe and smile. We don’t make friends because we know our market is not here.
by James Nelson