Why the person you love doesn’t love you back

by Daniel Nkado

This is probably one of the most asked questions regarding dating and relationships on the Internet today.

I’ve read some of the answers to it, provided by the so-called professionals and relationships experts and, you must believe me, some of them are funny.

One particular answer tried to explain the scientific reason why the people we love don’t always love us back. I kept reading and reading until it got to the part where it became apparent the writer has become confused himself.

So why really do the people we love don’t love us back?

The answer is plain and simple.

The person just doesn’t love you.

The truth is that people are either attracted to you or they are not. There is no structure to how attractions happen.

Anything can spur it. Anything can inhibit it. Most, if not all times, attraction is not by conscious effort. I don’t think I have ever met someone who consciously willed themselves to fall in love with someone else. People lie all the time and make choices, so it is absolutely possible to be with someone for other things aside from love.

And the preference thing doesn’t hold water either.

I’ve had friends go out of their preferences all the time. A good friend of mine who supposedly thought he was only into fair-skinned ladies got married to a dark-skinned girl last year. It was the most adorable wedding ever — she is one of the prettiest women I’ve come in contact with.

Not everything in life comes with a principle or abides by some law. If people don’t return your love, it’s not really anything you did or didn’t do. They just don’t feel so. The heart will go for who it will go for, most times overriding all preferences and boundaries.

Read about the greatest love story of our era here.

Again, I’ve also noticed people often mistake “liking” with “being attracted to”. Someone can like you but still not be sexually attracted to you, and vice versa. That someone likes you does not mean they want to date or have sex with you.

Finally, some people you are going after might not even have the capacity to return your love.

Consider the following scenarios:

1. They might still just be surviving a heartbreak. Most people at this time are not capable of appreciating new love proposals.

2. They might be dealing with something major in their life. What if they are suicidal, going through some tough time or had just lost a loved one?

3. What if there are of a different orientation. No matter how hard you try, a lesbian woman would not return your love as a man, and likewise a gay man for a woman.

The next time you want to ask why the person you are attracted to isn’t returning your love, ask yourself why you have not been returning the love of all those that have expressed interest in you.

If you notice a pattern there, then maybe there is one. If you don’t, then you should realize there is none.

And, NO, people are not rejecting you because you showed interest in them first.

That’s some 50s sexist bull****. The person that will love you will love you and the person that won’t won’t, no matter what you did or not do.

It’s just that way!


Daniel Nkado is a Nigerian writer and the founder of DNBStories.com.

Get his books on DNB Store, OkadaBooks or BamBooks!

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