by William Beteet
I can’t tell you how many porn movies I watched before I finally had sex.
Those times, I would get upset at the male talent if he took breaks or lost his momentum. I thought to myself:
“I could do better than him!”
This confidence manifested itself in my fantasies too. I always imagined myself as a guy who could have sex for hours on end.
Then it happened — I finally had sex and I realized that sex was a lot more difficult than I thought it was.
There were three layers to sex that weren’t apparent from the porn movies I watched or in any of my fantasies:
Sex is exhausting. It’s hard to keep a consistent rhythm going, especially if your partner doesn’t know what they are doing.
From moving body parts, changing positions and trying to find the right angle, sex was a lot more taxing than they made it look in the movies.
There are muscles I had never used that felt like they were about to cramp. There are positions I couldn’t hold for long without feeling like I was going to collapse.
Not to mention the war between my body and my brain!
Having sex with someone new can bring on an onslaught of anxiety that you weren’t expecting.
Whether they will like your body.
Whether they like your style.
Whether you can live up to their expectations.
All these nervousness and performance anxiety can keep you from enjoying the moment. Sometimes this can lead to you not even being “excited” enough to have sex and other times it can make you too “excited” leading to a quick resolution.
Thinking during sex is one of the easiest ways to ruin the moment, but it happens far too often, especially when you are sober and with someone new.
Sometimes during sex things get weird.
You wonder afterward “What does that sexual experience say about me?”
We are constantly trying to label ourselves, put ourselves in boxes. “I had sex with her in a couple hours, does that make me a player?” or “We just met a couple hours ago, does that make me a slut?”
Sometimes you wonder: “Now that we’ve had sex, does this mean we are a couple?” or “I hope he/she doesn’t think this makes us a couple?”
Sex looks easy, but sex can be draining. Very much so!
The act is exhausting.
The thoughts are tiresome.
You are left deciding whether the experience was meaningless or meaningful, which can leave you all very lonely and confused.
Standup Comic, Powerlifter and Law Student.
Podcast : The Lazy Philosopher
YouTube : The Lazy Philosopher
Twitter : Bill Beteet (@TheBeteet)